A home for Nathan
by SD130413
Summary: Nathan Phelps is on trial for Murder. Olivia got attached, is there anything she can do to help this young boy before he loses the last thing he has?
1. Chapter 1

**So I watched this episode while working on my story 'When I lost Elliot' and this idea came into my head. **

**It's supposed to be a one shot but if enough people want it to be longer then I can make it longer. Honestly I could have kept going with this but don't know if anyone would want it.**

It had been a rough couple of days for Olivia Benson. She and her squad had been working a suspected rape homicide when they had found the son of the victim hiding in the closet. Olivia being her usual overprotective, caring, selfless person took the boy under her wing and protected him and slowly fell in love with him in a way a mother should love her son. Now she was sitting in court watching the boy she loved and had applied for custody and adoption of being tried for murder and it was eating away at her.

"_We can try to keep him off the streets until we can make him for the murder." Casey explained after Olivia told her about Nathan's reaction to seeing Carthridge. _

"_We might not have to, shots fired at my salvation charity." Don said as he approached the group. _

"_Where's Nathan?" Elliot asked turning to Olivia. _

"_He's in the cribs." Olivia replied praying to God that she was right as she hurried up the stairs to check. _

_When she saw the bed empty her heart began to hammer in her chest and she rushed down to meet Elliot and make her way over to the charity hoping that Nathan wasn't there and had nothing to do with the shots being fired but a part of her knew even before she checked that he was involved. _

_XxX_

"_Let me go?" She asked Cragen as they stood outside waiting to begin talking Nathan down. _

"_Only if you're armed and protected." Cragen replied and she quickly hurried off with Elliot to get kitted up. _

"_You'll do good Liv." He told her as he helped pull on her Kevlar. _

"_I know." She replied shakily. _

"_Good. That boy cares about you Liv and I know you care about him too." Elliot said and Olivia nodded. _

"_More than you know." She whispered under her breath but Elliot caught every word. _

"_What do you mean Liv?" He asked. _

"_El … don't be mad but… but I filed for custody with possibility of future adoption." She told him as she holstered her gun. _

"_What? Liv are you insane?" Elliot asked. _

"_No I'm not El, that boy needs a home and I can provide him with one, I don't want him to get lost in the cracks of social services." Olivia explained. _

"_You got attached." Elliot sighed. "You always do."_

"_What's that supposed to mean?" She spat angrily. _

"_Liv come on!" Cragen called and Olivia gave Elliot one last look before hurrying off hoping that she could save Nathan before it was too late. _

_XxX_

"_You have to give me that gun… Nathan I don't want anything bad to happen to you."_

"_He shot her, I messed up and I had to fix it!" He yelled before Olivia could swipe the gun from his hands. "She tried to give me to a social worker."_

"_Your Mother." Olivia noted. _

"_I don't even care anymore." He cried. _

"_I do." Olivia replied. "Nathan, your Mom was really sick. I'd be lucky to have a son like you…" She said softly. "Anybody would."_

_XxX_

"_Olivia my office!" Don yelled as soon as she left the interrogation room after they finished questioning Nathan. _

_She sighed and made her way across the bullpen feeling every eye on her as she walked with her head held high trying to hide the fear she felt coursing through her veins. _

"_When were you planning on telling me you applied for custody of Nathan Phelps?" Don asked as soon as she shut the door. _

"_As soon as the trial was over, I couldn't get custody till after the trial, conflict of interest." Olivia replied and Don sighed as he sat on the edge of his desk and looked at her. _

"_How are you feeling?" He asked her gently and she shrugged and shook her head. _

"_I'm a bit shaken if I'm honest." She replied. _

"_Will you be withdrawing your custody application now?" Don asked her seriously. _

"_No." She said firmly. "He's not a cold blooded murderer Cap' he's a scared kid and all he needs is a bit of love and a stable home."_

"_And you can give him that?" Don questioned._

"_I can give him that." She replied confidently. _

"_Well you know I have to pull you off the case officially, even though it is nearly over."_

"_I know." She nodded. _

"_What are you going to do if he ends up in prison?" Don asked. _

"_I don't know Cap, I mean, it's not really hit me yet I don't think." She explained._

"_I want you to sit down with Huang." He told her and she nodded, she wasn't going argue with him about this, it was something she actually agreed with him about. _

"_Fine." She whispered. _

"_If he gets off, you're still hoping for custody?" _

"_Yes." Olivia replied sternly trying to warn her Captain with her tone that he was treading dangerous territory. _

"_Well you have my support Olivia." He said. "Go see Huang he's upstairs now."_

_XxX_

"_Hi Olivia." Huang smiled gently as she sat down opposite him. _

"_Hey." She replied weakly, it was obvious she was tired if not drained from the case. _

"_So how are you holding up?" Huang asked. _

"_Honestly?" She asked and he nodded. "I don't know."_

"_What aren't you sure about?" Huang asked and she shrugged. _

"_I think…" Olivia began but cut herself off and rethought what she was about to say. "I think I'm conflicted."_

"_Why?" _

"_Because my job is to make sure the bad guys get put away yet I'm praying that Nathan doesn't get put away." Olivia replied. "I want him to get off."_

"_Do you think it might have something to do with the high chance you have of gaining custody?" Huang asked and Olivia shrugged again. _

"_I don't know, it might be that I want him to get off because of my selfish want to be a mother but I've fallen in love with that kid George, he stole a piece of my heart the moment I met him and ever since then piece by piece he captured it and when we were in that room he was sobbing and I told him that I would be lucky to have a son like him and I meant every damn word of it, even though he's killed a man I still love him and still want to be his mother." Olivia explained. _

"_You really care for the kid, that's evident." George replied and she nodded. _

"_A lot more than I should."_

* * *

Olivia had just taken to the stand and she felt so consumed with guilt. She couldn't lie under oath but she was pleased that she had replied to a question that had been sustained by the judge. There was no way she could have sat there and said nothing, she needed to help Nathan anyway she could.

The next day found Olivia sitting in Civil Court watching Nathan tell them all how he had killed a man after seeing his Mother killed by that very same man. It ate away at her seeing him so vulnerable.

When Nathan finally fell under the pressure of the questioning Olivia bit back the tears feeling her heart break for the boy, she couldn't help it, he was so angry at what had happened but Olivia didn't blame him for being angry, his father had been killed when he was six and now his mother and then there was his aunt Gina too.

When Casey stood up and said she had no questions Olivia's heart stopped still. The truth was she'd gotten some news just before coming to court and the hope she had entering the courtroom was now slowly fading.

Olivia watched in awe as a mistrial was granted and she couldn't help but smile as Nathan ran over and hugged her tight. She even let a couple of tears loose not caring who saw.

"What happens to me now?" Nathan asked as Olivia, Casey and Sophie made their way out into the open air.

"How would you like…" Olivia began to say as she stopped and bent to Nathan's level. "To come and live me?" She asked with a smile on his face.

Her smile widened as his eyes lit up brightly.

"Really Detective Benson?" He asked in complete disbelief.

"Yeah really Nathan, I have custody of you if you want me to that is?" Olivia smiled pulling the custody papers out of her purse and handing them to him so he could look.

He threw his arms around her neck once again and she lifted him up and spun him around gleefully.

"Killer got a foster Mom that's nice." The defence attorney spat as he stood behind Casey while Olivia and Nathan celebrated.

"You're a jerk Getties." Casey snapped as Olivia put Nathan down and wrapped an arm across his chest protectively.

"You let a murderer off." He pointed out and Olivia tightened her grip on Nathan.

"Nathan Phelps would be serving the sentence I had already drawn up had you not gotten involved. Why don't you put the blame where it really belongs, on your bosses." Casey replied. "Come on Olivia, Nathan let's go, Ice cream on me." Casey smiled leaving the attorney stood there in shock.

* * *

"Ok so it's not much but it's home." Olivia said as she opened the door to her apartment letting Nathan walk in first.

He looked around like he'd walked into a palace not a two bed apartment in alphabet city.

"It's really nice." He said still looking around the open living space he'd walked into.

"I'll show you to your room." Olivia smiled as she carried his bag down the hallway. "I'll need to make up the bed, I haven't had anyone staying here in a long time." She explained as she opened the door to the small room she'd been using as an office that contained a single bed with only a mattress.

He sat on the bed and looked around the room as Olivia pulled out the duvets and comforters so she could make up the bed for him.

"You ok?" She asked and he nodded and gave her a firm smile which she returned instantly.

"Thank you Detective Benson." He said and Olivia knelt down in front of him.

"Hey first, I said I would be lucky to have a son like you, and I meant every word Nathan. Secondly, call me Olivia now ok?" She said with a small laugh and he smiled and nodded before wrapping her up in a hug again and she returned it, basking in the warmth she felt from his embrace.

"Thank you." He said again in a whispered and all Olivia could do was softly rub her cheek against his in reply, too caught up in tears to say much else.

"How about I run you a bath and you can get cleaned up before bed?" She suggested and he nodded happily, he was more relaxed now than she had ever seen him.

"Ok." She smiled.

Forty minutes later Nathan was bathed and changed and was sat on the couch with a hot chocolate watching TV quietly. Olivia was texting with Elliot who was clearly checking up on her.

_Did he get settled in? – El x_

**_Seems too so far. – Liv x_**

_Good. You know to call if you need anything right? – El x_

_**I know. Thanks for your support in this El – Liv x**_

_I've always got your back Liv, you know that – El x_

_**I know, thanks – Liv x**_

_I've got a bag of some of Dickie's old clothes, they should fit Nathan if you want them – El x_

**_Would be great, Thanks – Liv x_**

_No problem, will bring them into the precinct tomorrow for you – El x_

**_Thanks El, think I'm going to have to take some time though – Liv x_**

_How come? I'll miss my partner – El x_

**_I need to get Nathan settled, get him into school, lots to sort out – Liv x_**

_Yeah I get it but like I said, need any help call ok? – El x_

**_Thanks El – Liv x_**

_Catch ya later – El x_

**_Later – Liv x_**

She put her phone on the arm of the chair and looked over to see that Nathan had fallen asleep and she smiled, he looked peaceful and that was a good thing.

"Nathan, sweetie, come on time for bed." She said shaking him softly.

He managed to stand up and drag his feet into the bedroom, Olivia went with him to tuck him in and seemed to fall straight asleep.

"Night Olivia." He said and she smiled.

"I'm right next door if you need me Nathan ok?" She said.

"Ok." He nodded weakly.

"Night Nath'." She said softly as she switched off the light.

"Night." He said as she shut the door.

Once the door was shut she let out a soft breath before making her way into the kitchen. She washed their mugs then went to have a shower before getting into bed, she was knackered.

As the water cascaded onto her skin she reflected over the last couple of days, they'd been rough but the seemed to have worked out in the end. She had things she needed to do, first was get Nathan into a good school. As she finished rinsing her hair a scream echoed across the apartment making Olivia jump out of the shower. She quickly wrapped a towel around her and then pulled on her robe before running to the spare bedroom and she found Nathan sat bolt upright, gripping tight to the comforter with sweat dripping off her brow.

"Nathan, come on wake up sweetie it's just a nightmare, come on honey. Nathan!" She yelled and shook his shoulders before he woke up sobbing.

Olivia held him tight and rocked him softly.

"You're ok Nathan. You're safe." She cooed.

"I'm sorry." He hiccupped as he gripped onto her robe.

"Hey it's ok Nathan, we all get nightmares, even me." She told him as he calmed down a little.

"Yeah." He nodded as he pulled away from her.

"Ok?" She asked and he nodded.

"Try go back to sleep ok? We'll talk in the morning." She told him as he lay back down.

"Detective Benson?" He asked as she stroked her hand through his hair softly.

"Yeah?" She replied.

"Will they be able to take me away from you?" He asked shakily.

"Well they could, if they think I'm not a suitable guardian for you, I have custody but I want to speak with you about filing for adoption, if I get that then they'll never be allowed to take you away from me." Olivia explained.

"I don't want to go." He told her.

"I don't want you to go either." Olivia replied honestly. "Now get some sleep, we have to be up in a few hours." She said before kissing his head softly. "Sleep tight Nathan."

"Night." He replied as Olivia slipped out the room.

* * *

Olivia didn't know how long she'd been asleep when she was woken up by ear splitting screams once again. At first it shocked and scared her but once her brain was awake she dove out of bed and into the spare room where she found Nathan just whimpering by then.

"You're ok Nathan." She whispered pulling him into a tight embrace.

"I keep seeing it over and over." He hiccupped into her shoulder as he clung to her for dear life.

"I know honey." Olivia replied, Nathan had in fact woken her from a disturbed dream except this time it was his body she was pressing her fingers into find a pulse.

"I don't like it Olivia." He cried.

"I know Sweetie. I know." Olivia replied.

"Please don't leave me." He asked clinging tight to her.

"I won't." She replied. "Come on lie down."

Olivia held him close and listened as his breathing evened out and he finally fell asleep, she went seconds later.

**So one shot or do you want more? Steff oxox**


	2. Chapter 2

**So it seems like no one wanted this story to be a one shot and it's given me loads of ideas so this will be ten chapter and this story is part one of THREE! bet you loved to hear that Enjoy!**

The next morning Olivia decided to take Nathan with her to the precinct. Until she got him into a school it was the safest place for him and she knew he wouldn't be a bother, he never had been.

What neither one of them expected was a paparazzi shit storm hanging outside her apartment block. Olivia held onto Nathan's hand as she guided him through the men and women all yelling questions in their direction.

It was exactly the same outside the precinct and Olivia was very close to pulling her gun out and aiming it into the crowed. At least outside the precinct there were uniformed officers and barricades clearing their way to the entrance.

Once inside Olivia sighed and kept her grip on Nathan's hand as they made their way to the bullpen. He nervously chewed on his other sleeve while she kept a stony look on her face trying to hide the mounting frustration.

"Morning Liv." Elliot smiled as she dropped her keys on her desk.

"Hey El." She smiled as Nathan sat in the chair beside her desk silently.

"Everything ok?" He asked her gently.

"Yeah except for the press hanging outside my apartment and the precinct, what the hell is going on?" She asked seconds before a newspaper was dropped in front of her.

She glanced up and saw her Captain walk straight past her and she chose to ignore him and lift up the latest copy of The New York Ledger he'd dropped for her.

'Murderer gets an NYPD Mother." She read before glancing up at Elliot.

He studied her face having not seen the screaming headline he wanted to see what it was from the look in her eye.

She looked back down at the picture of her and Nathan hugging outside the courtroom a smile on both of their faces.

"Liv?" Elliot questioned and she threw the newspaper towards him before looking at Nathan who had seen the headline.

"Sorry." He whispered to her.

"For what honey?" She asked with a frown.

"Getting you into this mess." He explained and Olivia moved her chair so she was directly in front of him.

"You didn't get me into anything Nath' ok? I want you with me, I wouldn't have applied for custody of you if I didn't want it." She said. "I feel so blessed to have you in my life Nathan and I wouldn't have it any other way." She informed him and he nodded before wrapping his arms around her neck.

She slowly stroked a hand through his hair and held him tight. She knew he was having a difficult time. He'd barely slept the night before having woken multiple times with nightmares and she knew that whatever the media wanted to say she wouldn't change her mind or turn her back on the boy.

"Now I'm going to speak with the Captain will you be ok here?" Olivia asked and he nodded weakly.

Olivia looked over at Elliot who had put the paper down and he gave her a solemn apologetic smile. She shrugged it off because she didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her or for Nathan. She loved him and she wouldn't ever be able to turn her back on him now.

She knocked on Cragen's door but didn't wait for him to reply before going in. He waited patiently for her to shut the door and shove her hands into her pockets awkwardly before saying anything.

"Everything ok?" He asked her gently and she shrugged unsure how to answer. "What do you want Liv?"

"Cap… uh I have plenty of time saved up… I think now's the time for me to take it." She told him and his mouth thinned uncomfortably. "What?"

"I know you have the time to take Liv and I know right now you need it but you have twelve open rape cases on your desk … I need you here." He told her.

"But I've got to think about Nathan Cap, I mean, I need to try and get him into school for a start because his old one was too far away and with all the media storm over this… Cap I just don't think it's a good idea for me to be here right now… I think right now I'm a liability." She told him weakly.

"You want the time Liv it's yours too take but I have to give it to you on the condition you take your paper work and a percentage of everyone else's so that while they're picking up the slack from you being off that you're not leaving everything up to them." Don said and Olivia nodded, it was fair.

"I understand." She said. "I just need a week Cap because I have to put Nathan first."

"I get it Liv but you really didn't think this through when you applied for custody." Cragen said softly.

"Of course I did." She replied angrily, her brows knitted together in fury. "I thought everything through Cap but it was before he shot a man which changed everything especially considering he admitted it in open court and the only reason he isn't in prison is because Donnelly wanted to save her own ass and told Casey and Sophie to cause a mistrial by letting Nathan testify." Olivia hissed angrily.

"Exactly Olivia." Don shook his head and walked round the edge of his desk. "You thought it through before he killed someone. Do you really think that you can do this? Take care of someone who killed someone else?

"I've killed people." She whispered.

"To save other people." Don reminded her but she shrugged.

"It's still the same. He was trying to save people from the mistakes he made and he isn't a cold blooded murderer Cap' he need's therapy not jail." Olivia informed her superior.

"Ok." Cragen nodded knowing there was no chance he was going to win this argument.

"So I should go." Olivia said grabbing the door.

"Just don't forget the files." He told her and she nodded knowing that she was close to bursting and that if she spoke it would be obvious.

* * *

After they had lunch Olivia and Nathan made their way to the closest privet school to the apartment. Olivia had been thinking long and hard about her decision. Public schools catered to the lowest common denominator and she wanted Nathan to have the best she could give him. After crawling through her own financials she figures she had more than enough to be able to send Nathan to a Catholic school and so that was what she was going to do, she wanted to give him the best of everything.

Nathan and Olivia walked into Our Lady of Lourdes School side By side. Nathan was nervous and slightly intimidated by the old stone buildings and wide open spaces. Olivia gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze as they waited outside the office to speak with someone.

"Hi may I help you?

"Hi I'm hoping to get my … Nathan enrolled here." Olivia almost said 'my son' and realised she wasn't sure if Nathan would like that.

"Of course I will just fetch Miss Thomas and she can come and talk to you." The woman said before hurrying off.

"Nath' you ok?" Olivia asked seeing the young boy chewing on his sleeve again.

"I'm fine." He told her softly and she nodded in reply and guessed he was nervous.

Olivia and Nathan waited in silence for Mrs Thomas to come and greet them. Olivia smiled when she saw the nun and shook her hand.

"Detective Benson?" She questioned and Olivia knew she was recognised from a case. "We'll go through into my office." Mrs Thomas said her hand signalling the way.

Olivia and Nathan followed the nun quietly and once inside the office they were seated.

"So Detective who may I ask is this?" The nun asked in a friendly manner.

"Miss Thomas this is Nathan he's in my custody for the time being." Olivia explained. "I am fighting for adoption too."

"That's great news, it's lovely to meet you Nathan."

"You too." Nathan replied politely.

"So Jenna noted that you wanted him to start here?

"Yes, I know it's late in the semester but this school is close to the apartment and the precinct and it's a good school." Olivia explained.

"Well then I'll get you the forms and you can enrol him immediately, how would you like to start tomorrow Nathan?

"Yes. Thank you." Nathan replied unsure how else to answer, the boy would have preferred not to go to any school.

Olivia filled in the multiple forms while Miss Thomas asked Jenna to show Nathan around the school grounds.

"Miss Thomas, I'm afraid I can barely answer any of these questions, I know nothing of his Mother's history and his Father… his father was stabbed when he was six and his Mother was shot a couple of weeks ago." Olivia explained.

"Then just put your own information where it matters Detective and leave the rest blank. We have other adopted children where the adoptive parents know nothing about the birth parents. It's not as uncommon as you think." Miss Thomas reassured.

Olivia continued to fill the forms and then handed them over to Miss Thomas.

"Now here is a list of everything he will need, will you be ok with getting everything?" Miss Thomas asked.

"Yeah we'll go shopping from here." Olivia replied with a nervous smile, she really had no idea how to do this parenting thing.

"Good, how about we go and find Nathan and Jenna?" Miss Thomas suggested.

"Sure." Olivia replied.

"I think what you're doing is amazing Detective Benson. Providing Nathan with a home." Miss Thomas smiled as they walked in the sunshine towards Jenna and Nathan who seemed to be in deep conversation.

"He's a special boy." Olivia said softly. "He's lost so many, his father, his aunt and his mother. I didn't think I'd get custody but he's with me now and I am not planning on losing him.

"That's great to hear, it's very clear that you love him Detective." Miss Thomas smiled.

"I do." Olivia said just as Nathan and Jenna walked back to them.

Nathan hugged Olivia and she ran her hand through his hair.

"Everything ok?" She asked and he looked up at her, his chin on her chest and his brown eyes sparkling.

"Yeah." He said before dropping his head against her again and she gave him a gentle squeeze.

"Well Nathan we'll see you tomorrow." Miss Thomas smiled as he dropped his hands from Olivia's waist.

"Yes." He said trying to be confident.

"Good. Have a good day Detective, Nathan."

"Thank you Miss Thomas." Olivia said her hand on Nathan's shoulder.

The Nun and the secretary walked away leaving Olivia and Nathan to make their way back to the car.

"Ok we've got one more stop to do and then we'll go shopping for school uniform ok?" Olivia smiled and Nathan just nodded in reply. "Ok." Olivia said and they walked off together.

* * *

Olivia pulled up outside the building and Nathan and Olivia climbed out of the car and walked inside together. He was quiet, too quiet for Olivia's liking but she didn't know what to say to him at the moment so allowed the settled silence to continue.

"Wait here." She told him as they arrived what was visibly a waiting room.

Olivia had already made a call and she was expected to be here. She went over to the office of her friend and knocked on the door.

"Hi Olivia come in." Elizabeth Olivet smiled opening her office door wider.

"So I'll keep this simple, you've seen the papers I'm sure…"

"Yeah, you're doing a great thing Olivia." Elizabeth reassured and she smiled at the Doctor gratefully.

"Well I just want Nathan to have someone to talk to about this, he's having severe nightmares, he woke up three times last night and … I don't know but I just want to help him." Olivia explained.

"He's traumatised Olivia, I'm sure you didn't expect anything less." Elizabeth pointed out.

"I… I don't know what I expected if I'm honest, I just knew that I promised him he wouldn't go anywhere if he didn't want to and made damn sure I kept that promise." Olivia explained weakly as she sat down on the couch.

"Olivia, I have agreed to see Nathan once a week and help him through this but I'd also like to see you…"

"Why?" She interrupted.

"Liv, what you've done for that kid is… amazing… but it can't be easy bringing up someone you know killed a man.

"I know." Olivia sighed. "I do but it's not that… I only got custody because they were desperate and no one would take in a murderer but… do you know how unlikely it is for a white American to adopt a Black African American? The stats show that the chances are I won't be allowed to adopt Nathan because of his skin colour and my own as they think they should place children within their own race.

"You're scared of getting to close and losing him." Elizabeth noted as she sat down in her arm chair.

"Terrified." Olivia replied. "I love that boy Liz… with all my heart and I don't think I could stand it if I lost him.

"I can help you through this if you'll let me Olivia, and if worse comes to worst then I can help you through that too but you can't live your life in constant fear of what if's." Elizabeth told her gently.

"I guess you're right." Olivia sighed. "Ok fine once a week.

"I'll pencil you in and I'll email you a time and date for your appointment and Nathan's now, do I get to meet this young man that has my friend scared of her own shadow?" Elizabeth teased.

Olivia smiled and went over to the door and called Nathan through.

"Nathan this is my friend Elizabeth. Liz this is Nathan." Olivia said with a wide smile on her face.

"It's nice to meet you Nathan, you can call me Liz." Elizabeth said shaking his hand.

"Nice to meet you Liz." Nathan replied before turning his head to Olivia. "Is she a shrink?"

Olivia and Elizabeth chuckled softly.

"You don't miss a thing do you kiddo." Olivia said with a smile. "Yeah Liz is a shrink, she's going to see both of us once a week, separately, I think we both need a little help to deal with what happened huh?"

"I guess so." Nathan nodded.

"Great so I will see you both next week, Nathan is there anything you'd like to drink when you come over?" Liz was bent down so she was at eye level with Nathan making him more drawn to her.

"Fizzy purple grape juice?" He asked and Liz smiled and nodded.

"Sure thing.

"Right come on Nathan we have to go shopping for school stuff and if you want we can go buy some paint and start decorating your bedroom?" Olivia smiled.

"Really?" He asked in shock. "I've never had my own bedroom before."

"Well we're going to make yours up just how you want it ok?" Olivia smiled. "I'll see you next week Liz, thank you."

"Bye Olivia, take care Nathan."

"Bye." He said with a visible smile on his face which warmed Olivia's heart, seeing him happy made her happy.

* * *

Nearly five hours later Olivia and Nathan were in the spare bedroom painting the walls and listening to music. When the door went Olivia grabbed her wallet as she had ordered pizza for them for dinner.

"I'll be right back Nath, don't make a mess!" She teased as they had already been painting each other as well as the walls.

Olivia was surprised when she opened the door to find Elliot holding the pizza boxes.

"Dinner on me." He smiled as Olivia let him into the apartment.

"El what are you doing here?" She asked in surprise.

"I was bored and I missed you out in the field today so I thought I'd come see how you and Nathan were." He replied.

"And Cragen told you to check up on me." She added with a slight laugh. "We're fine, I think I can be trusted to take care of an eleven year old El, come on we're painting the spare room."

"I can see that." He said leaning in and wiping a drop of paint from her cheek. "Red's a good colour on you." He smiled as he showed her his thumb.

Her heart hammered in her chest, this was far more intimate than she had ever expected from Elliot and it sent shivers down her spine.

"I'll call Nathan for food." She said as he looked into her eyes.

She stumbled backwards and as soon as she broke eye contact she took a deep breath and made her way to the spare room.

"Nathan come get washed for dinner please, Elliot's here." She smiled and he nodded and put down the paint brush.

Less than ten minutes later the three of them sat in the living room laughing and joking with Pizza. Olivia was happy watching as Nathan ate and laughed and for the first time all day he looked like a carefree eleven year old.

"So how much painting have you two got left to do?" Elliot asked Nathan as Olivia took the rubbish to the bin.

"Just needs to be tidied up now." Nathan replied with a smile, he was no longer intimidated by Elliot like he had been when they first met.

"That's great, how about I come help you and your Mom?" Elliot said.

It was a slip of the tongue that cause Olivia to stop in her tracks as she watched Nathan's reaction. Slowly, a wide grin settled on his face that had Olivia smiling too.

"Yeah me and my Mom." He said softly looking up at Olivia who was wiping a tear from her cheeks. "Don't cry Olivia, its ok I won't call you Mom if you don't like it, I'm sorry." He said hurriedly as he rushed over to her.

"Nathan. I'm not crying because I didn't like it." She said softly as more tears fell down her cheeks. "I'm crying because I do."

"You do?" Nathan questioned.

"Yeah, I'm honoured to have that title come out of your mouth." She explained as she cupped his cheek in her hand.

"Might take a while to get into the habit of saying it but you are my Mom." He told her and she nodded, the lump penetrating her throat far too strong for her to muster up any words.

Elliot watched Olivia and Nathan interact and though the scene in front of him warmed his heart especially seeing his partner getting the one thing she'd always wanted he had to admit he was in a lot of trouble. Don had warned him to stay away and say nothing that would influence either of them, Olivia needed to see if she could handle being a Mom to an eleven year old boy alone and he'd not only come to the apartment when he'd promised his superior he wouldn't but also he'd influenced the title Mom being bestowed on his partner. Seeing the joy on her eyes though he knew it wasn't a bad thing, Nathan and Olivia needed each other.

"How about we finish your room and then by tomorrow it should be all dry." Olivia smiled and Nathan nodded enthusiastically.

Elliot went into the bedroom with Nathan and Olivia and picked up a paint brush. They immediately got to work with the radio on and had each other laughing as they sang random bits of songs they knew with their paint brushes as microphone. Elliot couldn't resist snapping a picture on his phone when both Olivia and Nathan were singing to each other with wide smiles on their faces and without thinking twice he knew what he needed to do. He saved the picture then found the one number of the only person who would hate to see the love and happiness in the photo and clicked the send button, he knew none of them should get involved in Olivia's decision to take care of Nathan and just be there for her if she struggled, she needed her friends now more than anything.

ILB

Across town Don Cragen sat at his desk trying to figure out how he was going to manage the squad being a Detective down for the week. He knew she would have to be loaded up on paper work even if they could draft in someone else temporarily, he wasn't sure why but he was so afraid that Nathan's adoption would mean he lost his favourite Detective that he was making every decision he could to make life harder for her to manage so she'd drop the adoption.

When his phone beeped to signal a message he quickly opened it up wondering why Elliot Stabler would be texting him at this late hour.

When he opened the message he was surprised to see a very beautiful picture of Olivia and Nathan with paint on their skin, smiles on their faces and love in their eyes looking at each other with red covered paint brushes.

Why mess with something that's meant to be?

Don read the message that Elliot had attached with the picture a few times wondering if he was right, Olivia was happy, that was obvious and in the picture she was absolutely glowing but then everyone could smile in pictures, it didn't necessarily mean anything, it could have been posed… or so he wished.

ILB

"He's flat out." Olivia smiled as she came out of the bathroom after getting showered and changed, she'd been into her bedroom to check on Nathan to find him already fast asleep.

"How long for though." Elliot said and Olivia didn't need to ask him how he knew Nathan wasn't sleeping all night, they'd both been in that same boat so many times themselves.

"Yeah… well I'm going to get some of this paperwork done for Don and sort Nathan's school stuff ready for the morning then catch some sleep of my own." Olivia said as she walked to the kitchen to get the school uniform from the dryer.

"Where are you sending him?" Elliot asked.

"Our Lady of Lourdes." Olivia replied.

"Jesus Liv!" Elliot gasped. "Catholic privet school? That's going to put a nice dent in your salary."

"It's not going to touch my salary, I have some savings and an average sized inheritance that I haven't touched." Olivia said. "There's more than enough there to cover his school for a few years.

"That's… That's great Liv." Elliot smiled. "Well I guess I should go it's been a long day and I have to work tomorrow.

"Thanks for coming over El, it was nice for Nathan and I to have some company that wasn't each other." She smiled as she hung the school blazer on a hanger and put it in one of the handles of her cupboard.

"It's not a problem Liv, he isn't a bad kid. He's a good kid who made a bad decision, it happens and it is no character reference on either of you." Elliot said as Olivia walked him to the door.

"Yeah I guess you're right." Olivia smiled as he stepped out into the corridor.

"If you need anything Liv, whether it's a pint of milk or some advice don't hesitate in calling me." He told her as she leant against the door.

"I will, thanks again El." She smiled.

He leant in and brushed his lips against her cheek softly.

"Night Liv." He smiled his signature shit eating grin before walking to the stairs with a new spring in her step.

Olivia shut the door and took a deep breath realising that had just happened. Elliot Stabler had kissed her.

Once she'd gotten over the intial shock of the kiss Olivia knew she had a lot to do before she could turn in for the night even though she was exhausted. She dragged out the case files she'd bought home knowing she had to run to the precinct to get some more while Nathan was in school and she got to work.

She'd bearly been at it an hour when Nathan woke from the first nightmare of the night which had her running to the bedroom to comfort him back to sleep.

Five times she had to run up and down to comfort him, and by the time she turned in at five am she only had two hours before the alarm would ring and a new day would begin.


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia and Nathan stood outside the large old building that was Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic unisex school. She knew that the trembling boy beneath her hand was terrified but he said nothing and quite confidently took the first step towards the building which Olivia automatically took to.

"Liv… Mom… I can do this on my own you know, I don't… I don't think I need people seeing me with my Mom on my first day…"

"It's ok Nathan I get it, you have your cell phone, any problems and you call me ok?" She said straightening out his tie.

"Yeah Mom I will." Nathan replied.

"Good, now I'll pick you up at three thirty right here so have a good day." Olivia smiled finally letting go of the lapels of his jacket.

Nathan quickly went on tip toes and kissed her cheek before running off leaving Olivia to smile and watch him go.

After leaving the school Olivia decided the next stop was the precinct to drop off the files she'd completed the night before and to pick up some more to do that afternoon before Nathan would arrive home. She briefly checked her email on her work computer and printed out the email from Dr Olivet before heading to the Captain's office to hand over the completed files.

"Ok so they're all done you just need to sign off on them and maybe proof read them I think I had double vision by the time I was done." Olivia joked as she placed them in front of her Captain.

"You got them all done?" He asked in surprise.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded. "It wasn't easy but I did it."

"Well then those need to be completed most by tomorrow and some by Thursday." Don said signalling to a large canvass bag.

Olivia hid her surprise well but there was about a month's worth of files there that had to be reviewed, rewritten and signed.

"Sure." She said pasting on some form of confidence. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Liv if it gets too much…"

"It won't." She interrupted as she felt she was catching up with what was going on now, he was trying to prove that she couldn't handle the work load and taking care of a kid and she was going to prove him wrong.

After depositing everything in the trunk rather than going home she went shopping, she wanted to surprise Nathan with a finished bedroom by the time the paint was dry which would probably mean tomorrow but in order to do that she needed a lot more things and she had some time to pick them up.

Rather than spending the afternoon looking through the files and writing everything up Olivia took her shopping home and got to work on Nathan's bedroom, she wanted it to be the best bedroom she could provide him with and she hoped this way she'd be successful.

At quarter past three she jumped into the car and made her way to the school to pick up Nathan. She waited impatiently at the car hoping that he had a good day and that he hadn't had any problems.

When he came out of the school Olivia spotted him before he spotted her as he was too busy talking with another boy who appeared to be the same age as Nathan.

"Mom!" Nathan called when he spotted Olivia.

Olivia grinned and waved at Nathan excitedly as he said something to his friend and they both came running over.

"Hi Ms Benson." Nathan's friend said politely. "I'm Gregory Clearwater." He said extending his hand to Olivia.

"Nice to meet you Gregory, you can call me Olivia." She said with a smile as she shook the boy's hand.

"You too." He said with a dazzling smile and all Olivia could think was that this boy was adorable.

"Well Nathan I better go before my Mom comes looking for me, it was lovely to meet you both, I'll see you tomorrow Nathan."

"Bye Greg." Nathan smiled before the boy rushed off into the crowd.

"So you made a friend." Olivia smiled as Nathan climbed into the passenger seat.

"Yeah my teacher Miss Lucy wanted Gregory to look after me today and we became friends straight away." Nathan replied happily.

"That's great Nathan. So you didn't have any problems?" Olivia had to admit she was worrying.

"There… there was a few but Gregory stopped it." Nathan replied honestly. "I had no problems after Greg stepped in."

"That's good, you'll come to me if there is anything right?" She asked and Nathan nodded and smiled confidently at her.

"Good, now how about we go out for food tonight, I've been shopping but I can't be bothered cooking." Olivia chuckled.

"Ok." Nathan smiled.

"Any idea's what you fancy?" Olivia continued as they finally got out of the school's road and into the school rush hour traffic.

"No whatever." Nathan shrugged, he just liked spending time with Olivia so he wasn't complaining.

"Ok Italian it is." Olivia smiled knowing he'd enjoyed pasta at the restaurant by the precinct.

Olivia drove the route she already knew well and used her precinct parking space instead of trying to find room on the street.

While they were in the restaurant Elliot was just finishing his shift and as he made his way to the parking lot he saw Olivia's car in her spot. He was sure he hadn't passed her along the way from the squad room so he wondered what on earth her car was doing there. He decided to call her and make sure everything was ok, with everything that he'd seen in his job he couldn't help but automatically think the worse.

"Hey Liv its El, where are you?" He asked. "Oh right, I'll be there now… no, no I just saw your car in your spot and well no point going home to an empty apartment when my best friend is so close by. I'll see you in a second… yeah that sounds good… thanks bye."

Elliot smiled as he hung up the phone and climbed back out of his car so he could cross the street to the restaurant.

Olivia quickly ordered the penne that Elliot always had and asked them to hold Olivia and Nathan's food until their third member arrived which they gladly did in the process moving them to a four person table from the two they had taken when they first walked in.

"Hey." Elliot smiled coming in.

"Hi Elliot." Nathan smiled before sipping at his coke.

"Hi Nathan wow you look great in that uniform." Elliot smiled and Nathan grinned at him.

"He's my handsome little man." Olivia teased by grabbing his cheek.

"Moooom." Nathan groaned swatting her hands away making both the adults laugh.

When their food was finally delivered the three enjoyed light conversation filled with talking about their day. Elliot briefly mentioned a new case, Olivia said about the files and tidying up the bedroom so that Nathan could move into it the next day and mentioned the month worth of files that she had to do which Elliot offered to give her a hand with but she rejected the offer saying it was her job to do. Nathan then filled them in on his day, the subjects he'd studied so far and how much homework he had which Olivia said he would get started on as soon as they got home even if he had a week to do it, she didn't want him having a mad rush Sunday evening to get it done.

"Why don't you come back to mine for a beer? Leave your car here and get a cab in to work in the morning." Olivia suggested.

"Sounds good to me." Elliot smiled, he would pay for a few more minutes with Olivia, especially this week where he was missing her more than anything because she wasn't beside him out in the street.

Back at the apartment Nathan got showered and into his pyjamas before sitting down with his homework while Olivia and Elliot sat on the couch with a bottle of beer.

"So everything ok?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, I just want everything to get back to normal, I'm meeting with a social worker tomorrow morning then… well then I have another appointment tomorrow afternoon and then Nathan has an appointment and I've got all these files to do by tomorrow for Don, I don't think I can do this El…"

"Liv I'm sure you can. Let me help you with those files, come on it isn't like I am some civilian, I do this for a job too." Elliot pushed and Olivia sighed softly.

"I know that El but I feel like… I feel like Don's trying me, or testing me to see if I can handle our work load and be a single parent and…. And I don't think I can." Olivia whispered, she didn't want to worry Nathan with her fears but he had Olivia's iPod in his ears so he couldn't hear a word that was being said.

"He is." Elliot whispered bowing his head.

"What?" Olivia asked having not heard him properly.

"I said he is. Don is testing you because…"

"Because what Elliot?" Olivia asked impatiently.

"Because he doesn't think you having Nathan is such a good idea." Elliot explained without even looking at Olivia who suddenly looked broken hearted.

"I won't give up on him… I'd… I'd quit SVU before I let that happen." Olivia said weakly.

"I know." Elliot said. "I've tried to warn him…"

"How?" Olivia asked and Elliot finally let his eyes meet hers. "How have you warned him?"

"I… Liv you know that picture I took of the two of you painting… well… I sent it to him…"

"You did what?" Olivia asked in shock. "When?"

"Last night straight after I took it just before I sent it to you."

"Oh my God, and he still gave me a month's worth of work… he's… he doesn't want me at SVU anymore…"

"No Liv he thinks that place is your entire life and he thinks you will give up on Nathan before you give up your job at SVU." Elliot reassured her, his hand now on her thigh as he reassured her.

Olivia looked over to where Nathan was bopping his head and scribbling out his homework.

"That would never happen." She said.

"I know." Elliot said giving her thigh another squeeze.

Olivia and Elliot settled into a comfortable silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Elliot was thinking about how long it would take Don to see if he didn't curb his little act then he'd lose Olivia and she was now thinking about applying for a transfer if Don didn't change his attitude towards her and Nathan soon.

At nine o'clock Nathan was yawning away at the table which Olivia spotted.

"Nath you want some toast and milk before bed?" She asked and he nodded weakly, he was exhausted. "Ok put your homework away then I'll get it together."

"Liv how about I get started on those files?" He suggested and Olivia glanced at the bag on the armchair. "Two minds are better than one…"

"Fine, help yourself." She shrugged knowing there was no way she could complete them alone.

After Nathan had eaten and Olivia had tucked him up in bed they moved the work over to the table with a lot of coffee and got to work.

All night Olivia was up and down with Nathan and then getting back to the paperwork both of them knowing the hours were passing by but neither one of them looked at the clock or mentioned it to the other that it was getting too late. Olivia because she didn't want Elliot to leave, having him help her and be there for her kept her going and Elliot because he knew even if he did leave Olivia would continue to work and he didn't want her to struggle through this alone.

At five am Olivia was nearly falling asleep at the table.

"Come on Liv you need to sleep." Elliot said helping her up.

"I know." She moaned half asleep.

Elliot placed her on the couch and pulled over the comforter and she fell straight asleep. He stroked his hand through her hair and admired her beauty as she slept while he also took in the deep black bags beneath her eyes and the line that crinkled her forehead as she frowned in her sleep.

He didn't go to sleep that night, even though he had to be in work he wanted to get as much of the paperwork as he could done for Olivia as he knew if he didn't then she would get sick.

When Olivia's alarm went she automatically began another day. She didn't say anything or question Elliot still sitting at her dining table writing reports.

"Why don't you shower you'll be late for work." Olivia said and he nodded gratefully.

Olivia made breakfast and cleared the table before waking Nathan just in time for Elliot to come out of the shower.

They ate together in near silence and then once everyone was ready they got going. Elliot called Cragen and said he was running late and he would be in just after nine seeing as he was supposed to be on an eight o'clock start.

After dropping Nathan off at work Olivia dropped Elliot off outside the precinct.

"I'll be in later to drop off the files." Olivia said, she needed to finish a couple more before she could take them in but she knew it had to be done.

"Call me as soon as you're done with the social worker this morning?" He asked and Olivia smiled and nodded, she was so grateful for his support. "Good, see you later."

Without thinking he leaned in and dropped his lips onto hers before climbing out of the car leaving Olivia a little bit stunned.

Truth was as he walked into the precinct he was in shock at what he had done too, it was something he had done with Kathy whenever she had dropped him off so he guessed it was just a habit but he had wanted to kiss Olivia so much and the fact that she didn't pull away, hit him or run him over was a good sign… right?

When Olivia finally remembered how to breathe she made her way to the social worker's office to begin discussing the adoption, if no one else fought for Nathan then it would be a pretty easy fight however the CPS were possibly going to fight and that's what Olivia would find out this morning and then she would need a lawyer and so on… but she'd cross that bridge when she got to it.

Once at the office Olivia pushed aside all thoughts of Elliot that had gathered in her head since he'd kissed her and focused on the one person who she hoped would be with her for the next seven years at least, her son.

"Hi I'm here to see Miss Kent." Olivia said at the front desk.

"Olivia Benson?"

"Yes that's me." Olivia replied.

"Go straight through she's in office two oh two."

Olivia nodded and made her way down the corridor till she found room two oh two. She knocked and waited for the 'come in' before she entered the dimly lit room.

"Ah Detective so good to see you again." Miss Kent smiled shaking Olivia's hand.

"You too." Olivia replied with a more subtle smile, she was terrified inside.

"Well we won't beat around the bush how is Nathan Phelps settling in?"

"I believe he's settling in quite well, my best friend told him to help his mother or listen to his mom or something and ever since then he's called me Mom… I mean I haven't stopped him from doing it either but if he doesn't stay with me… I don't know how either one of us will cope…"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it Detective, other than that have you got him into school and stuff?"

"Yeah he started at Our Lady of Lourdes school yesterday and I've already met one of his friends, I have him in to see a therapist this afternoon to see if it will help the nightmares I mean we both need a good night's sleep but we'll see… But we've decorated his bedroom I'll finish putting up the drapes and put on the new duvet later on and it will be all ready for him when he goes to bed tonight." Olivia smiled, she loved making her son happy.

"How is his eating and sleeping, you mentioned nightmares?"

"His eating is fine, he has a very healthy appetite and his nightmares are definitely disturbing his sleep but he goes to bed early enough and wakes up without trouble in the morning, to be honest I don't even know if he remembers all the nightmares when he wakes up in the morning." Olivia replied.

"So who's this therapist you're getting him to see?"

"Doctor Elizabeth Olivet, she's a great psychiatrist that I've known for years, Nathan's already met her briefly and he seemed to warm to her quickly so hopefully she'll be of some help." Olivia replied, she just wanted Nathan to be happy and until he dealt with his Mother's death and the shooting he wouldn't be happy and she knew that.

"Ok that's great, I have to ask some more questions some of them you might not be comfortable with but I need you to answer as honestly as you can."

"Of course." Olivia nodded, she felt nervous all of a sudden.

"How are you doing?"

"Me? I'm fine, little tired of course but it's expected. I've taken a week from work, still have to work from home but I'm home which is the main thing and I'm just really enjoying being there for Nathan." Olivia replied honestly.

"So you're looking after yourself? Remembering that you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of Nathan?"

"Of course, I have my own appointment with Doctor Olivet this afternoon just so she can advise me on dealing with everything that happened with the shooting and such, I mean it doesn't affect my ability to take care of Nathan but I understand the need to make sure I'm ok to." Olivia replied softly. "I mean suddenly becoming the mother of an eleven year old when you've been alone your whole life is a shock to the system." She was sure she was saying all the wrong things.

"That's really good Detective, I'm glad to hear that you're putting your own needs out there too, there are too many foster parents who accidentally forget about their own wellbeing for their children and in the long run the child suffers for it."

"So give me the news, is there anyone going to be petition against me for custody of Nathan?" Olivia asked the fear making her voice shake.

"CPS believe that Nathan would be better off in a group home with children of his own race, they will be petitioning against you."

Olivia's heart cracked, there was a strong possibility that she would lose Nathan for good.

"All I can tell you Detective is get a lawyer, and a good one."

"I will." Olivia replied nodding firmly. "I won't give up without a fight."

"I know you won't." Miss Kent replied. "Of that I am sure."

* * *

After leaving the social workers office Olivia rushed over to Olivet's office. She was dizzy but just kept putting it down to tiredness because in the past three nights she'd not even had ten hours sleep.

Once she'd let the receptionist know she was there Olivia sat down and took out the last few files that she needed to fill for Don Cragen as she was there early.

When she was finally told to go through to Olivet's office and she jumped when her name was called. Her head spun and she had to take a few deep breaths before moving off.

"Hey Olivia, so how are you?" Elizabeth asked as soon as Olivia sat down.

"I'm enjoying motherhood." Olivia smiled softly. "I've never been so busy in my life and I've been an SVU cop for so many years and I don't think it's half as challenging as being a parent." Olivia chuckled and her eyes glazed over with what could only be described as pure joy. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"I can see." Elizabeth smiled, which was half the truth, she could see the love in Olivia's eyes at the thought of Nathan but Elizabeth could also see Olivia looking so tired and … ill?

Olivia just smiled a smile which lit up her eyes.

"Other than enjoying being a Mom how are you?" Elizabeth pushed softly, she didn't want to come out and tell Olivia that she looked like she hadn't slept in a week.

"I'm good." Olivia shrugged unsure why the question was being asked again.

"Ok so tell me about Nathan." Elizabeth suggested.

"He's… He's great, he's … I don't know, he's in school, he's… well you're going to see him yourself today." Olivia shrugged.

"Ok…" Elizabeth could see Olivia was just deflecting, the woman looked exhausted and drained and obviously wasn't in the mood to open up quickly which meant Elizabeth would have to coax information out of her.

"Ok so tell me about the shooting." Elizabeth suggested slowly.

"Well generals are that Nathan got hold of a gun from a friend and went to My Salvation and shot his mother's killer and… and got away with it." Olivia replied weakly, it was bad enough that the little sleep she had was haunted with images of Nathan clutching to the gun like it was his lifeline.

"Ok …" Elizabeth realised it was going to take a lot more coaxing to get Olivia to open up, it was obvious the Detective had pushed everything from her own perspective into the back of her mind so that she could focus on Nathan. "What about when you entered the room?"

"How did you know I went in?" Olivia asked.

"I read the papers, you were named as being the Detective who talked him down." Liz replied and Olivia sighed, she should have known, the press was printing something about them every day just not on the front page and the column sizes were getting smaller.

"Well I was… I was scared of what I'd find in there. I had to have my gun in my hand and get him to drop his and I hated it." She said weakly. "And I still knew then I wanted him."

"That's great Liv, that his actions didn't influence your decision."

"I guess." Olivia shrugged. "But I guess that I also think that there's something wrong with me to still want Nathan because he killed someone, it may have been a case of extreme emotional disturbance but he still killed someone…"

"Do you blame him?" Olivet asked leaning in to Olivia.

"No." Olivia replied. "He made a mistake, we're all entitled to them, we've all done them, just ours didn't involve us taking away a life and getting away with it."

"That's what you need to remember Olivia. He made an honest mistake I know that when you look at him you still see a scared little boy and not a killer right?"

"Right." Olivia nodded.

ILB

After finishing off with Elizabeth Olivet, Olivia went to the one six to drop off her files. She still wasn't feeling one hundred percent but she was hoping that with Nathan seeing Olivet that evening that he would sleep for longer at least if not all night and she could get more sleep, but that all depended on Don Cragen and his damn files.

When she walked into the hustle and bustle of the squad room she waved and smiled like she hadn't been away. Elliot gave her a nod and a smile from his desk where he was busy on the phone with someone and Munch and Fin were nowhere to be seen which Olivia knew meant they were on a case.

She went to Cragen's office and knocked on the door before entering. He nodded at her as he too was on the phone and she set the large shopping bag of files on one chair while she sat down in the other.

"Sorry about that Liv, everything ok?" He smiled softly at her and she struggled not to ask him what his problem was with her and Nathan.

"Yeah everything's fine, I finished those files for you, and they're in that bag in alphabetical order ready to be signed and filed."

"All of them?" Don asked.

"Every single one." Olivia replied. "Any more?"

"Yeah there's a bag here but I didn't expect you to want more till Friday." Don explained passing a bag more than half full with yet more manila folders.

"Ok well see you." She said and she quickly turned and grabbed hold of the door.

As she yanked open the door a wave of dizziness hit her and she found herself grasping at the door frame to stop herself from falling.

"Everything ok Liv?" Don asked seeing her jerk.

"Fine." She replied and she looked over her shoulder at him and gave him a confident smile.

"Ok well bye then." Don said knowing Olivia had other places she would prefer to be.

She whipped her head round to face the front which was a big mistake. She dropped the bag from her hand and the hand on the frame left the door and clutched her head. Don again being the only one who saw rushed to her side.

"Are you sure everything is ok?" He asked her gently.

"Yeah just turned to fast and haven't had a chance to eat yet today." She explained as she picked up the file.

He watched as she walked off trying to show her usual confident and calm demeanour.

She barely made it to Elliot's desk before her knees buckled. Everyone heard the crash of her kneecaps against the floor just before she toppled forward being just conscious enough to put her hands out in front of her which only just cushioned the blow that knocked her out cold.


	4. Chapter 4

**Love ToriRenee161 and Cfhonan who are regular reviewers on this story, you're both great and you make me smile loads, this wasn't what I originially planned with the story when I started it with the accidental anorexia but it kinda fell there and went with it. Anyway thanks both of you again and everyone else who drops a read and a review every now and again THANK YOU! honestly, you all help me keep writing with your reviews and now on with the story...**

Everyone sat in silence at the hospital waiting for news on Olivia. Munch and Fin had been to the school to get Nathan so he was also with the gang waiting to find out what on earth had happened and caused her to collapse.

Elliot was sure he knew what was wrong with her and if his suspicion was correct he'd ring his Captain's throat for causing it. Cragen was also thinking the same thing, he was full of self-blame that he couldn't stop his knees from bouncing nervously.

"Family of Olivia Benson?"

"That's us." Elliot replied getting up and holding his arm around Nathan's shoulders protectively.

"Miss Benson collapsed due to a combination of dehydration, lack of food and severe exhaustion, her body just couldn't handle it anymore and that's why she collapsed, the body is basically in resting…"

"Is she in a coma?" Elliot asked firmly.

"Of sorts, it isn't your typical coma basically the body has gone to sleep as has the brain and we don't know for how long this will be because it all depends on how long it takes for the body to fix itself. We've put her on an IV saline and feeding tube to try and help the body along but it's really just a waiting game." The Doctor explained. "I am concerned however at the lack of sleep Miss Benson's been having, does anyone know why she hasn't slept in about five days?"

"Well there was court, getting custody of Nathan here and then…" Elliot turned to look at Captain Cragen with such fury in his eyes that is unnerved the aging man. "Then her boss had her filling out so much paperwork that she had to stay up till the early morning to get it done and then as her head hit the pillow her alarm would go off and it was the start of a new day."

"I'm sorry…" Cragen began.

"It's not me you should be apologising it's Liv but seeing as she's in a coma that's impossible!" Elliot yelled but Munch and Fin stepped in to calm him down some.

"Can I see my Mom?" Nathan asked timidly.

"Only if it's ok with your Dad." The Doctor said looking at Elliot.

"Come on son." Elliot said not bothering to correct the Doctor at this time, there was no point.

Don Cragen watched the two walk off and felt such a stab of guilt that he fell into the chair and dropped his head into his hands, he should have known Olivia wouldn't give up and let Nathan go but because he wanted her to he had caused her to collapse and end up in the hospital.

Nathan grabbed hold of Elliot's hand as they walked into Olivia's hospital room. Apart from the heart monitor, IV and feeding tube Olivia just looked like she was sleeping.

"This is all my fault." Nathan hiccupped.

"No it isn't." Elliot reassured.

"But my nightmares…"

"Has nothing to do with it Nathan, if she would have only been getting up to deal with your nightmares she would have been fine but Captain Cragen had her doing lots of paper work which she would do while you were sleeping so she wasn't getting any sleep at all, she won't blame you either Nath I promise." Elliot reassured.

Nathan nodded and slowly made his way over to her bed. He still couldn't believe that she had ended up in hospital and seeing her in the bed looking so peaceful he couldn't help but feel guilty.

"I'm sorry Mom." Nathan whispered as he slipped his hand into hers. "I hope you're better soon."

A soft moan passed through Olivia's lips that scared him a little but then it gave him some hope that she wouldn't die like his father, mother and aunt Gina, even if they had been killed not like Olivia.

"Mom, please wake up." Nathan said giving Olivia's hand a gentle squeeze.

"Nathan?" She questioned with a frown.

"Right here Mom, right here." He told her gently, he just wanted her to wake up and tell him she was ok.

"Nathan." She groaned again and her eyes fluttered open slowly, no one was sure if she was waking or if it was just a reaction but when she looked directly at Nathan and gave his hand a squeeze then they knew she was awake.

"What happened?" She croaked turning to look at Elliot who was sure she hadn't even noticed him but it was obvious that he was wrong.

"You were exhausted, dehydrated and lacking nutrients Liv." Elliot explained coming closer to the bed.

"Ugh." She groaned and closed her eyes again.

"You're going to be ok Mom." Nathan said giving her hand another squeeze.

"I know." She whispered. "Sorry if you got scared mate." She whispered giving his hand another squeeze.

"I'm never scared." He teased before leaning over the cot side and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"So when can I get out of here?" She asked turning to look at Elliot again.

"Liv…"

"I know I know but what about Nathan?" She asked knowing that she had no family that could take care of him.

"He can come to mine or I can stay in yours whichever is easiest." Elliot replied knowing that the last thing Olivia needed was additional worries when she was here.

"Mine is closest to school." Olivia said as she subconsciously stroked Nathan's hand with her thumb.

"Ok I'll stay in yours." Elliot said.

"You can use my bed El, Nathan's room is finished, the new drapes and duvet is on the bed ready to be put in place if you can do that then that would be a big help." Olivia smiled she was really grateful to him.

"I'll sort it Liv, you get some rest you look zonked." Elliot told her softly giving her cheek a gentle stroke.

"Take Nathan home El, I don't want him hanging around here." Olivia said. "Love you Nathan."

"Love you too Mom." Nathan said kissing her once again before allowing Elliot to lead him outside.

"How is she?" Don asked quickly.

"She's tired, I think she's gone back to sleep, I've said I'll take Nathan but …"

"I'll stay Elliot don't worry she won't be alone." Don reassured. "I'll send everyone else home and tell them to come back tomorrow."

"Thanks Don I appreciate it." Elliot said shaking his hand even though he wanted to throttle him, he needed the man with Olivia.

"I'd do it anytime you know that." Cragen reassured and he watched Elliot and Nathan go before he made his way to Olivia's room knowing that for now Elliot had forgotten for now that it was all his fault.

He closed the door quietly and slipped into the seat beside a sleeping Olivia and slipped his hand into hers.

"I'm so sorry Liv. I'm so sorry this is all my fault and I don't know if you'll ever forgive me for what I did but I know that this is all my fault. I wish I never thought that you couldn't do this with Nathan, that boy loves you and you love him and I am not going to get in your way if you'll let me I'll give you all the support that you need because I'm your father figure, I am the man who is supposed to be there for you and support you in every way and I am not going to be the one to stop you. When all this goes to court I am going to be the person stood behind you cheering you both on. I promise that you'll never be allowed to do any of this alone, you don't have a choice anymore Liv I'm behind you ever step of the way because I love you." He was in tears by the end.

"I love you too." She said finally opening her tear filled eyes.

"Liv." He whispered getting to his feet.

"It wasn't your fault, you were right Don I couldn't… can't do it all…" She cried.

"Yes you can, with the right support you can do it Liv, Nathan… Nathan needs you now, you can't turn your back on him." Don reassured.

"I'm just so tired…"

"Then close your eyes and go to sleep Liv, I'll be here when you wake up." He promised.

"Ok." She whispered. "I love you Don."

"I love you too Liv sleep tight." He whispered but she was asleep as soon as the words left his mouth.


	5. Chapter 5

**I want to APOLOGISE for the last AN it was on the wrong story!**

**I have had quite a few regular reviewers on this story and I felt awful when I realised because I'd only names two! I mean I APPRECIATE every single one of you and once upon a time when my stories weren't as popular I would reply to EVERY SINGLE REVIEW it's just not possible anymore!**

When Olivia woke up she was surprised to see Don sat with a newspaper beside her.

"Hello sleepy head." He smiled and Olivia laughed and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"What time is it?" She asked groggily.

"Just gone two pm, Nathan and Elliot called by on the way to school but you were knocked out cold, the doctor said it was best to let you sleep and let your body rejuvenate." Don explained and Olivia nodded, she wasn't surprised her body had been denied sleep for so long.

"When can I get out of here?" Olivia asked awkwardly, she wanted to be home with her son.

"This evening after dinner and the Doctor does his rounds." Don smiled and Olivia noticed the IV and feeding tube were gone.

"Jeez I must have been sleeping heavily." Olivia noted out loud.

"A bomb would have gone off beneath you Liv and you wouldn't have stirred." Don smirked even though he felt particularly guilty because it was his fault.

Olivia saw the look of guilt flash in his eyes and she sighed, she didn't blame him and she was damn well going to make sure neither Elliot nor Nathan felt guilty or blamed him either, she couldn't handle with her loved ones fighting when she was about to enter into a fight of her own.

"Oh and Liz called by, he said that you should know that court begins on Monday at nine pm, she wants to see you and Nathan on Sunday to discuss your testimony and suggests we all do it over Sunday dinner at Chikka's." Don smiled and Olivia felt her stomach churn, she wasn't ready for this.

"You've got all our support on this Liv, Sophie is testifying, Nathan's principal, Elliot, Me, You, Nathan himself, you're going to win Liv and then until he leaves for college he is going to be a pain in your ass, but a pain you're going to love and not regret." Don reassured and Olivia nodded, she was so nervous.

* * *

Later that evening Olivia, Nathan, Elliot and Don all left the hospital and went to Olivia's apartment for take-out. Nathan was over the top with excitement that Olivia was going to be ok and he couldn't stop talking about how much he loved his new room and school and it just put a permanent smile on Olivia's face, a smile neither Don nor Elliot had ever seen before.

When Don finally left it was just Elliot, Olivia and Nathan and it was obvious to them all that they'd all still be there in the morning.

"Time for some homework Nathan please." Olivia said as she and Elliot began to do the dishes, she washed, he dried.

"Ok." Nathan grumbled. "I've got Spanish though and I'm no good at it."

Olivia looked at him knowing she could help him with Spanish.

"Go on, I'll do these." Elliot smiled passing her the dish towel so she could dry her hands.

"Come on then Nathan, I'll give you a hand with the Spanish." She smiled and Nathan grinned, he'd never had his own mother help him with homework before.

Elliot washed the dishes and then made coffee for himself and Olivia and hot chocolate for Nathan. As he placed the mugs down on the dining table he looked at his partner and best friend and she gave him a smile that told him how happy she was.

"Done?" Olivia asked as Nathan closed the Spanish book.

"Yup, thanks Mom, I could never have done it without you." Nathan grinned as he piled the books back up.

"Well it's getting late so it's time to shower and bed, you can read for half an hour before I come turn that light off." She grinned, she was surprised at how natural the parenting was coming to her.

"Wanna watch a movie Benson?" Elliot asked and Olivia grinned and nodded, relaxing with her best friend was exactly what she wanted to do.

About twenty minutes into the movie Nathan came in to say goodnight and kiss his mother's cheek and Olivia gave him a tight hug, she was terrified at the prospect of losing him and wanted him to know that she wasn't going to give up without a fight.

When the movie finished Olivia made her way to Nathan's room and saw that he'd fallen asleep with his book on his chest. Half the duvet hung off the bed and he snored lightly making Olivia smile. She walked over and closed his book for him making sure to mark the page and then she adjusted the bed covers making him turn onto his side but not wake up. With a smile she switched off the light and said goodnight to Elliot who was setting up camp on her couch before making her way to her own bed. Life was good… for now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hoping I haven't lost my readers only one review last chapter… disappointing.**

**This is the penultimate chapter but then this is part one of four or five series!**

The weekend was over pretty quickly. Saturday had been spent with Elliot, Dickie and Lizzie and Nathan and Olivia had both enjoyed themselves. It had started with shopping. Olivia needed to get some clothes for court for Nathan as well as an outfit for dinner with Liz Donnelly who would be representing them in court and Don Cragen the man who openly admitted it was his fault she had ended up in the hospital just a few days before. They'd then gone for Pizza followed by bowling and then burgers and then a movie before it was time to split and go home.

Dinner with Liz and Don had been a sombre affair. Liz had adequately prepared Nathan for court and remembering his little outburst when he'd confessed to murder on the stand she had to warn him to keep his temper in check and explain how it could go against them if they thought that Olivia couldn't handle him.

It was now Monday morning and Olivia and Nathan sat nervously with Elizabeth Donnelly at the table hand in hand with each other. Elliot and Don were in the gallery watching and Munch and Fin had sent their love and support as had everyone else who had to work.

The judge entered, one Olivia didn't know but that wasn't a surprise, she knew most judges but not all, the most she knew were all sex crimes prosecutors, this was not a sex crime.

"Child Protective Services Vs Olivia Benson, for custody of Nathan Phelps."

Olivia swallowed hard and gave Nathan's hand a squeeze as opening arguments began.

It took nearly two hours for the two lawyers to argue their case and the judge who would decide Nathan's fate listened intently.

"I call Nathan Phelps to the stand." Elizabeth Donnelly called and Nathan gave Olivia a hug and a kiss before making his way in his suit to the stand.

She looked at him and felt so proud of him. In the past week alone he'd come leaps and bounds.

"Ok Nathan tell me about your Mom." Liz smiled reassuringly, her usual cold and hard demeanour soft and welcoming.

"She's the best Mom in the world." Nathan smiled at Olivia whose eyes sparkled in reply.

"Oh sorry let me rephrase." Donnelly told the judge who nodded.

"Tell me about your real Mom." Liz explained and the smile on Nathan's face instantly vanished and a mixture of hurt and anger flashed across his usual soft face breaking Olivia's heart all over again.

"She was a … a prostitute and a drug user." Nathan sighed. "She got murdered by a man who was paying her to have sex because she didn't wanna anymore."

Olivia had explained everything to Nathan, he deserved to know the truth surrounding his Mother's death and Nathan had appreciated Olivia sitting him down and explaining but the truth was he knew anyway.

"Did you love your Mom?"

"Of course I did, doesn't matter what she did she was still my Mom, my flesh and blood, she didn't even want me, not like Mom Liv does." Nathan's eyes sparkled with hope when he mentioned Olivia and she felt her heart soar, if she lost him, she wasn't sure that she'd survive.

The following questions were about his home life with his mother and then it moved on to talking about Olivia's relationship with him.

"Do you like living with Olivia?" Liz asked.

"Yes." Nathan beamed, he didn't know what else to add to that.

"So what do you and Olivia do together?" Liz asked knowing everything already as she'd asked these questions over dinner.

"Homework, eat, talk, play games and watch movies." Nathan listed, he loved doing all of the above because he got to do it with Olivia.

"What time do you go to bed on a school night?"

"Nine thirty."

"What time do you get up?"

"Seven."

"Weekends?"

"Bed at ten get to sleep in too." Nathan smiled, he'd only spent one weekend with Olivia but he knew she was a stickler for routines.

"That's great Nathan what school do you go to?" Elizabeth continued.

"Saint Mary's Prep."

"Do you like it there?"

"Very much." Nathan smiled, he'd enjoyed every moment at school with his friend Greg.

"Where do you want to live?" Elizabeth asked to close.

"With Mom Liv." Nathan smiled. "She loves me and I love her very much." He grinned towards her and she smiled and mouthed I love you to him, she knew it was unprofessional but she wasn't there on a professional basis.

"No more questions." Elizabeth smiled taking her seat and letting Trevor Langan step up as he was representing CPS.

"Nathan didn't you kill a man?"

"Yes." Nathan replied sheepishly, Liz had told him that all his history would be dragged up.

"Because he killed your Mom right?"

"Right." Nathan replied.

"What does Olivia do for a living?"

"She's a cop, a Detective for SVU." Nathan smiled, it was how he'd met her.

"Do you know that last year more than three hundred NYC cops were killed in the line of duty?"

"No." Nathan shook his head and Olivia grabbed Elizabeth's arm, she'd worked out where he was going with this.

"Can't you stop him?" She hissed and Liz shook her head apologetically, his question was within the scope and so there was nothing she could do about it.

"What if Olivia was killed by a suspect or perp would you go after him? Kill him?"

"No." Nathan replied shaking his head again.

"No? you killed your Mother's murderer, why wouldn't you do the same if it was Olivia? She's your Mom too right…"

"It's not the same!" Nathan hissed and Elizabeth and Olivia both prayed that he wouldn't lose his cool.

"How isn't it the same Nathan? You claim you killed your Mom's killer because you had to avenge her in some way, what if it was Olivia and she was the woman who took you in, adopted you, loved you and raised you and then one day someone snatched her from beneath you? Wouldn't you want revenge?"

"Objection badgering." Liz called and the judge nodded giving Langan a warning to get to the point or stop.

"I'd want revenge yes." Nathan said. "But, Mom Liv has already taught me that there is nothing worse than getting revenge, it's bittersweet, if I'd let Olivia and Elliot do their jobs then I could have seen my Mother's killer go to trial and get real justice for her, my Mom wouldn't want me to take revenge against her killer not Liv anyway, my real Mom who knows. I don't care about her the way I care about Liv."

Olivia felt her heart swell inside her chest and she knew in an instant that this case was going to be heart wrenching. She still had to give her testimony, as had Elliot, Cragen and Elizabeth Olivet and then there were the witnesses for CPS who were all scientists, sociologists and psychologists who all believed Nathan would do better in a group home with people of his own race, it killed Olivia but she knew this was her only hope, to fight for Nathan.


	7. Chapter 7

**So here it is the last chapter, I know it's a bit of a jumpy ending but I never intended on writing out the whole court scene, it gets boring if you do it too often like I have in other stories so here it is. **

**Don't forget to look out for the sequel or part 2 of 4 or 5 called _A mother for Bella_**

**_Steff oxo_**

"I find that in this very unique case we are faced with a complex situation. Nathan Phelps is a young man who has been through more trauma than a boy of his age should ever experience. He has been lucky enough to find love, comfort and a home with a woman who wants him more than life itself however, in this case, it is complex because race is brought into question. It is scientific fact that children strive better in homes of which the parents and siblings are of the same race and ethnicity and the situation is that here we have two people who are clearly not in that position. Having taken into account all the evidence presented to me during these proceedings I have considered what is best for Nathan in the long term. Detective Olivia Benson, it is clear to me that since the moment Nathan Phelps has been in your care you have done nothing but love him, support him and do right by him including unfortunately making yourself unwell in the process. Children need this is their lives and the fact that you have opened your home, arms and heart to this boy shows me that there is truly some humanity left in the world. The State, the scientific evidence you have presented has been more than sufficient, Nathan Phelps would probably strive better if Detective Benson was the same race however, the plaintiff is already providing for young Mr Phelps in the way that the state would not, he is given attention, more than adequate schooling and is provided with so much love, which we all know from sociology and psychology does not happen in a group home no matter what race you are. So in the case of Child Protective Services against Olivia Benson I declare the custody of the boy Nathan Phelps to Detective Olivia Benson."

Nathan grabbed around Olivia's waist as her knees began to buckle. She had been convinced throughout that speech that they were going to take Nathan away from her.

"I'm going nowhere." Nathan beamed up at her.

"I love you Nath." Olivia smiled holding tightly to her son.

The gavel banging stopped the conversations and the attention was turned back to the judge.

"Adoption proceedings will begin at nine am sharp." He said before exiting his chair allowing everyone to go back to their celebrations.

"Congratulations Olivia." Liz Donnelly smiled giving Olivia firm hug.

"Thank you so much Liz. I couldn't have done this without you." Olivia smiled as the tears of joy cascaded down her cheeks.

"Of course you could have, anyone would be blind to take this boy from you Olivia, he is obviously worth more than life itself to you. You young man, take care of your Mom." Elizabeth smiled at Nathan who still had his arms wrapped around his waist.

"I will. Thank you Judge." Nathan smiled.

"You can thank me by loving her." Liz said with a wink before walking off allowing Elliot and Don to rush over to her.

"It's over Olivia." Elliot smiled pulling both Olivia and Nathan into a hug.

"Finally, I feel like I can breathe again." Olivia laughed softly, a whole lot of weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she could damn well feel it.

"Well done Olivia, I didn't doubt that you could do it and I really am…"

"Don't apologise again." Olivia interrupted. "I understand why you did what you did Don, we both do don't we Nathan?"

"Ye, thanks for your help though Uncle Don." Nathan smiled wrapping his arms around his 'uncle's' waist.

"Yeah Uncle Don." Olivia teased but Don Cragen was smiling broadly, it's more than he could ever have asked for.

"Now who's for Pizza and Ice Cream my treat?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah!" Nathan beamed.

"Hop on then mate." Elliot said bending down low enough for Nathan to jump on his back and Olivia grinned, everything was perfect, for now.

**SO keep a look out for the sequel it will be called **_**a mother for Bella.**_** (This is going to be a four or five part series!)**


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